Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Suitable Programming

 July 1972

Three girls in a row, exposed bellies down on the cool wood floor, tanned legs bent, chins elbow propped in hands, absorbed in the destruction of a small town by a giant scorpion. The afternoon creature feature on the black and white TV that my aunt has rolled out on the brass colored metal trolley is our after lunch pre nap indulgence. We have already watched several episodes of Popeye and even though the reception is grainy with the occasional scroll up of the picture and the curved screen gives a fisheye perspective, the Texas summer heat keeps us glued to the spot in the air-conditioned family room.

The kitchen wall phone with it’s grimy ten foot intestinal cord is ringing; the loud bell can be heard all over the sprawling ranch house. This is an adult sound, so we all ignore the bell. Finally the older cousin nudged her sister to get the phone.  Groaning and stomping up the steps to the kitchen and a forced polite southern phone voice answer, then a yell Aunt Janel had the baby! I pushed back to a sit. I don’t remember knowing that my mother was pregnant, or anticipating becoming a sister, just that my mother was in New Mexico and I was in Texas, like most summers.

My mother taught first grade in El Paso and I was in the other first grade class.  I drove to work every morning with her in the red Corvair convertible with the white leather seats that were always cold.  She tied a triangular scarf on my head when we put the top down.
One morning when we were walking from the car my Scooby Doo thermos slipped from under my elbow onto the new asphalt, and when I picked it up it made a slushing sound. My mother told me that was the glass inside and took it from me angrily and said we’d have to throw it away.  I was allowed in the teachers lounge before school started and the air was thick with cigarette smoke. When we had fire drills and lined up on the blacktop against the fence, I was responsible for going through the pass through door that joined the two first grade class rooms and opening my mother’s classroom door for her class to come in.

At some point that spring I changed schools to one that was closer to our house, because my mother was let go.  She dressed in Villager pencil skirts and low flats, but her condition betrayed her and in 1971 a woman was not allowed teach elementary school if she were visibly pregnant.  I didn’t know any of this at the time of course, I just liked the new school because an ice cream truck stopped outside after school and the neighbor kids I now walked home with always had change for candy.

But this summer visit with my cousins was different, because we were moving from El Paso to Phoenix. I walked to the kitchen and took the receiver from my cousin and learned that I had a sister. 


August 1972

We set out very early with pillows slipped in floral cotton covers lining the back seat of the blue Ford station wagon. There was a cooler with pimento cheese sandwiches and cold bottles of Dr. Pepper. My aunt, her fifth and youngest child and I were driving from Texas to pick up my mother and newborn sister in New Mexico and then get settled in Arizona. I don’t know why my mother went to New Mexico, where my father’s mother lived, to have the baby. I don’t know why she didn’t stay in El Paso, where we lived, or come to her sister’s house where I was. There must have been a very practical reason. Roswell New Mexico isn’t where I’d want to go for medical care in 1972, or now.

My most vivid memory of arriving in Phoenix when I was 7 was of the palm trees.  Long rows of tall thin palm trees that stretched down the street creating a vanishing point. And there were mountains in the distance that sat like ships on the horizon. I don’t remember a baby, though we drove for hundreds of miles with her in the car. I remember the rental house with the dark green painted windows that cranked open and the dark green bushes that surrounded the house, oleanders, had pink flowers and the neighbor warned me that they were poisonous, even if the leaf brushed my hand, which still freaks me out.

I waited for the bus to my new school at the end of the street, which had a grassy median with orange trees that had trunks painted white. Then just weeks later we moved to an apartment with a fountain in a courtyard and an accordion sliding door that separated one bedroom from the living room. My bedroom window was narrow but floor to ceiling, and I lay on my carousel printed bedspread and looked out through the decorative cinderblock patio wall to the apartment across the courtyard and tried to see the people in side. I learned that a bottlebrush tree shaded this window; the red delicate spiky flowers did resemble the brushes my mother used to wash my sister’s bottles.  In the mornings after watching the Flintstones I ducked through a hole in the chain link fence in the back of the covered carport that backed up to playground of my next new school. My aunt and cousin had driven back to Texas and now my Granny was staying with us help with the transition. My father had been traveling a lot and no one had used the word divorce yet.

Summer 1974

We were moving around the corner, to a cheaper apartment, so we filled my mother’s orange Datsun 510 station wagon over and over, loading then unloading. One of my cousins had come, I assume flown, from Texas to help. She was just sixteen and my mother taught her to drive a stick shift so she could help with our move.  On one of our last nights in the nicer apartment, she took my friend and I swimming in the apartment pool. Some tenants upstairs complained that we were being too loud, although I can’t imagine what we were doing that could have been so disruptive.  We were nine.  My cousin pantomimed taking her top off and twirling it in the air, whooping “woo hoo!” then we ran shrieking back through the manicured hedges to the boxed up apartment.
The Monkees on Wallace & Ladmo!


The new apartment was smaller; the carpet was thin and rough. The laundry room had older machines and the door wouldn’t shut properly. We kept laundry quarters in a ceramic pinch pot I’d made at summer rec camp. The trash dumpster in the car port was the first thing you saw when you pulled up.  My mother had taken a new teaching position but the school was on the other side of town so she left for work earlier than I could leave for school. I had to manage that hour before third grade on my own.  This meant the Jetsons and Wallace & Ladmo. 


My sister now went to daycare and I had a house key on a hair yarn that I wore around my neck.  I didn’t know it then but I was part of a new demographic: The original latchkey kid.  When I got home from school in the afternoon the apartment was stuffy with Arizona heat but I kept the curtains drawn and the door locked, just like I was told.  I watched Bewitched, I Dream of Jeanie and the Beverly Hill Billies. If the phone rang I was not allowed to say that my parents weren’t home but, ‘they can’t come to the phone right now, can I take a message?’

Monday, April 14, 2014

K is for Kiosque





Nyon Switzerland today with my sister, her two kids and my daughter, cousins with a five year break between each. Thirteen (Game of Thrones on kindle; wants that totally cute dress in the Naf Naf boutique), nine (blew his wad of 60 Swiss francs on Star Wars Legos; must jump off every bench), and four (will deny needing pee until end of time; gave Naf Naf boutique lady a heart attack by touching everything with her face).


Julius Ceasar hung out here. The original angry young punk. Lots of anti fascist graffiti plus some evidence that a Marin County punk swung through. Possibly last summer?  Amazing that there would be the same tags in Nyon as Mill Valley.

I can't get enough of the shutters or the lake view framed by the alps. Sitting outside in a cafe enjoying a cafe au lait while 2/3 of our kids soak in the culture of Tom 'n Jerry on their mom's iPhone and my daughter pulls out her kindle, I appreciate that the breeze off the lake is blowing the cigar smoke from our neighbors the opposite direction. Next to the cafe is a news kiosque selling every imaginable size Swiss Army knife, international news papers, post cards and chocolate. Perfection.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

E is for Employed


I haven’t had a paycheck in over twenty years.  This was a choice, mostly.  I did a little freelance work when my first born was an infant but he was wildly unenthusiastic about napping on a schedule or taking a bottle so I settled in to the domestic engineer career ladder.  Stepstool. Milking stool.
I'd work for this guy


My youngest is starting high school in the fall and I am acutely aware of my lack of marketable skills. When I opted out of the workforce, the Internet wasn’t a thing yet.  I had a carphone that had to be installed, laptops hadn’t been invented, and to apply for a job you mailed out paper resumes and made phone calls. 

My last job official job was in an art gallery where among other things, I reviewed artist’s work by looking at sheets of slides that were mailed to the gallery.  I mailed press materials to newspaper and magazine editors.  I visited artists’ studios to select work or dropped off pieces at collector’s homes for consideration. People wrote checks and we had to wait 10 working days until they cleared.  Back then people smoked in galleries too, which seems bizarre now. 

In the twenty one years since I retired, the art gallery as a sales venue has been all but replaced with eBay and websites, but shows do still happen. I’ve been to a handful.  My money goes to other things, like graph paper, cleats, and iPads, so I’m not a patron of the arts and my gallery opening invitations dried up pretty quick. 

So how does one step back in?  A lot has been published about this lately, or maybe I’m just noticing it. I have zero marketable skills, at least compared to an unencumbered twentysomething with a relevant degree and practical experience.  How does navigating elementary school volunteer & carpool duties translate to a W-2? I am nowhere near hip enough to be a barista or bag groceries at Whole Foods.  I’m way too hormonal to be a crossing guard.  I might be too hormonal to be around other people, or their dogs. 

I’m open to suggestions.

Mary Allison Tierney's essay The Gingerdreadman is included in the anthology Mamas Write, available at Amazon, or your local independent bookshop.


Friday, April 4, 2014

D is for Depot

'meet you at the depot'

This sentence has been said and texted a zillion times in our family.  

The depot is the social core of our Northern California town, a former train station and then greyhound bus station tucked at the base of Mount Tamalpais. Now it is a red brick plaza anchored by the Depot Cafe and Bookstore, edged with wooden benches, permanent chess tables and mature trees skirted with concrete benches that house musicians and parents and dog walkers on any typical day.  The bus stops across the street now. 

In the twenty years that I have lived here, I have sat on those benches with coffee while my baby slept in a stroller; I have watched my kids climb the trees, make chalk drawings, play hop scotch, ride scooters, skateboards and bicycles.  I have brought my kids coffee while they played guitars, banjos and mandolins, busking (very successfully)for money. Sometimes I'd see them there playing when I drove by. 


I meet up with my kids there now, in town from college or traveling; it's our central meeting place to hang out or go for a meal. Recently I ran into my son there unexpectedly, not even knowing he was in town; Little kids were climbing trees, riding scooters (with helmets now), the hacky-sack kids, moms in lulu lemons pushing sleeping babies in strollers, and an old guy playing a sitar under the tree. 

Mary Allison Tierney's essay The Gingerdreadman is included in the anthology Mamas Write, available at Amazon, or your local independent bookshop.


Tuesday, April 1, 2014

A is for Archrival



What is it with gym class? Why is it that your childhood gym teacher is so rarely the fondly remembered favorite teacher? 

More often the gym teacher is categorized with the worst babysitter who adhered to your parents TV and bedtime rules or the substitute that always made you stay seated until after the bell, so you were late lining up for the bus, so you had to sit up front.  

And the whistle, the tool of shame. Ask any dog. It's never blown as a compliment.  Gym class in Phoenix in the seventies included gold satin shorts that would have made Richard Simmons giddy. Before that they were a thick rubbery double knit so how could we complain, really?  And we were required to shower after gym.  Miss Doolittle was very firm on this point.  There were three prison style pillars with multiple spouts. Middle school is the perfect age for this, instilling an abundance of confidence, especially since no one had provided hairdryers or curling irons to repair our painstakingly feathered hair.  

The Presidents Fitness Challenge was the perfect opportunity for preadolescent anguish. We girls waited in line outside Miss Doolittle's office and went in one at a time to be weighed. Puberty can strike at 10 or 14 and it sucks either way.  Horrifying.  I don't think it factored into the fitness challenge other than to mess with you.  The V-sit, curl ups and pull ups and mile run weren't enough I suppose. 

The best part of gym class, other than the rumors about Miss Doolittle, was the daily reading aloud of Forever by Judy Blume by an older eighth grader who had the classic look of a 13 year old who probably had a fake ID and could borrow her dad's girlfriend's car.  She claimed that she used tampons. Need I say more?  Listening to her read the sexy parts of Forever almost made up for the disco shorts and the shower torture. 





Mary Allison Tierney's essay The Gingerdreadman is included in the anthology Mamas Write, available at Amazon, or your local independent bookshop.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Y is for Yet


......and yet....

fierce tourist in Guatemala

He is so tall now that when I hug him his thin hip pokes just under my raised arm, and yet, he’s thinner than a full bag of groceries, hugged close to my chest, his long lean arms drape on my shoulders. The rare times I see him these days, standing at his full 6’4”, is in the kitchen, foraging bagels and frozen pizza.  

Fairfax Bicycle Works
When he is home he’s tightly coiled behind his drum kit, pounding with a machinist’s precision, tapping out intricate thrumming rhythms. Or he’s curled over a guitar or banjo, his graceful elegant skilled fingers sliding, pressing fluttering picking the strings. Then he’s leaning into the computer keyboard, composing, mixing, fingers tapping head banging along with his creation*.  



drumming with Vuotan
The hours in his basement lair, the creative sleep cave that mirrors the inside of his 18 year old brain: musky, blues, purples and browns with dark grimy shadows, mold skinned cold coffee in multiple cups, guitar pics and strings, gnawed splintered drum sticks, balled socks, ticket stubs, burrito foil and rumpled sheets under a sleeping dog...and yet, pure creative necessity. 
Mystic kids

He emerges, purged and hungry, late for class, needing the air of the redwoods, loading his bike with necessities and peddling off to sleep in the woods and read of trolls, dwarves, Vikings and sandworms... so close to manhood, and yet.....


*stick with it 

** nothing created in your basement is ever boring

***teenaged boys have teensy little opinions about music



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Friday, April 19, 2013

Q is for Quest


The prize table was laden with huge colorful water bazookas, the only thing that mattered. That damned race.  On vacation at a resort in Oregon, a kid’s triathalon!  So fun! 

boys
As soon as the kids started the swimming leg, it was immediately obvious who wasn’t a swim team kid. I wanted to pull him out of the pool and wrap him in his towel, but my son pushed me away roughly as he hurried to put on his shoes, one of the last out of the pool, and he began to run.  He ran and rode his bike and crossed that finish line well in the middle but never quitting.  But I wanted to die for him as he struggled with the swimming and saw how far back he was. I wanted to pull him into a hug and sneak off into the pine trees. He would have none of it.  We walked past the prize table featuring the huge cartoon water gun after the race, not really looking this time.

I admired his perseverance and dealt with my own maternal guilt
by putting both my boys into swim team as soon as we returned.  Not to win races, but I felt I had overlooked some fundamental basic childhood necessity. They had swim lessons, I felt confident they could swim, but lanes and strokes and laps were not in their playbook, and it seemed every other kid but mine was on a swimteam.  I felt like I’d accidentally forgotten to teach them how to use a fork.  Actually that might still be some peoples opinion. 

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Saturday, April 6, 2013

F is for Fan



I am a San Francisco Giants fan with a small f. I have some shirts and caps and attend a few games each season. I love to watch them play, have minor crushes on players and I always root for the Giants. I do admire the the die hard Fans, the facepaint, dye your Mohawk, full orange and black battlegear FANS.

I went to my first Giants game when I was visiting a family friend, Lance, and he took my friend May and I to Candlestick and we froze our asses off. In July. We were teenagers from Phoenix and this was a harrowing experience. I’d never been to a Major League baseball game before, at that time the Diamondbacks didn’t exist. I earned my first Croix de Stick pin, without knowing what it was.

 I was living in New York in 1989, had just opened a beer and settled in to watch game 3 of the Bay Area World Series when the screen went black. Being New York I assumed it was the cable. Soon we learned of the Loma Prieta earthquake and watched sportscasters doing hard news as they interviewed drunk tailgaters in the Stick parking lot holding up chucks of fallen concrete and yelling ‘Go Giants!

 When I moved to San Francisco in 1991 we started attending games, and my son went to his first as a four month old, complete with his first Giants cap. I have a picture somewhere of both my boys at the last game played at the Stick, with their grandfather in 1999. They lost to the Dodgers. Boo! I learned that day that The Beatles played their last complete concert there in 1966.



The Giants move to AT & T (PacBell/SBC) Park coincided with my daughter’s birth. Our first game at the new park I had a three month old Bjorned to my chest and was terrified she’d get beaned by a foul ball. Our seats were now behind third base and the Giants dugout, and she’s grown up attending games and has become a real Fan with a capital F.


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Thursday, April 4, 2013

D is for Direction


seventeen NOLS Alaska


My son was an early walker, and would lunge like a two foot tall Frankenstein's monster at any dog, arms outstretched bellowing 'Daw! Daw!'. Leaning forward, the weight of his giant ginger baby head nearly toppling him, gaining speed, he lurched forward until he was face to face with the Daw. 

 Dogs loved this. He was clearly their new chew toy. He also had an uncanny talent for impaling his forehead on all coffee table corners. In hindsight, nicknaming him Danger Boy was a bad omen.

A logical adult knows it takes at least couple months before any real respect for your parents grips the conscious mind of a child. Screeching 'No!' as my lumbering infant went on Daw patrol was not effective. I had read in one of my useless baby behavior books, that I needed to redirect his impulses, so that 'No!' would not become another meaningless mom noise, like 'Wear a Helmet!' This was months before he gave up on crawling and started running with the dogs.

ten
I nursed him in the beautiful oak rocker I'd bought long before I was pregnant, so beautiful it needed several cushions and a blanket to be comfortable. It was because of his teensy crab claw infant fingernails that I first wanted to yell at my gorgeous sweet baby. They grew as he slept, Nosferatu style, and as he nursed into a milk orgy he would take a miniscule bit of tortured breast and pinch the bejesus out of me. I would take his fat dough baby hand and nibble off the nails with tears of pain in my eyes and he would pass out like a drunk frat boy, milk running down his chin.

Throughout his school years it was much the same. He lurched forward towards the most exciting thing, skirting disaster, right on the razor's edge. Direction Danger, full steam ahead. My attempts at redirection have been mostly about health and safety, and largely ignored. From sunscreen, helmets, drugs, condoms, hitchhiking to the latest tattoo, I say my piece and hope for the best. Sometimes I tell him to call his aunt or Gramma, and miraculously he does.

This morning I texted him for the forth day in a row, Check in please, with no response. Because we're on the same phone plan I can see that he read the message. So I know he's alive. I have sketchy second hand knowledge that he's headed to New Orleans via Mexico, hitchhiking with two other young men. I am doing my Lamaze Breathing and hoping the universe has a plan for Danger Boy.
nineteen    photo by one of his tribe


He called while I was writing this. I had turned my phone off and he left a voice message. 'I'm in Reno. I'm fine. Well Reno isn't, this place is bad. My phone got wet but it's working now. We're hitchhiking to Salt Lake City today. Bye.' His Direction, for today, is East. That's all I've got, but for today it's enough.


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Monday, June 18, 2012

Joe Clarke




My middle child is all metal.  He is a rock god.  He’s twelve. This past winter, during his second week of cotillion he learned the fox trot.  He’s quick to point out that foxes don’t trot, in case you’re curious.  Cotillion teaches formal dance steps and social etiquette that my kids can’t possibly learn at home.  I was a non Cotillion kid when I was in middle school, mostly because my mother was in her rejection of the establishment phase circa 1976.  Of course it was all the other kids talked about at school the next day – the horror of dancing together in fancy clothes.  But they were grinning like idiots and I knew I was missing out. 

My guy who lives in his black Slayer t-shirt and baggy black jeans with ringlets down to his shoulders cleans up good for cotillion. He had been planning his cotillion attire for two years, since his older brother was forced to attend.  His attitude was much more enthusiastic, provided that I allowed him to wear a camoflage tux with a top hat. Sadly, we never found one. In a navy blazer and khakis he’s still all metal.  A rock god.  James Hetfield in a suit is still James Hetfield. 

That night they learned the art of proper introduction.  When changing dance partners, one introduces themselves, first and last name.  The instructor gave an example:  “rather than ‘I’m Joe’ say instead ‘I’m Joe Clarke’.”  Each time he changed dance partners and was paired with a girl from his school, my son introduced himself, “I’m Joe Clark”.   Bingo.  The girls laughed.  There’s more to cotillion than the fox trot.  Cotillion rocks. 

Mary Allison Tierney's essay The Gingerdreadman is included in the anthology Mamas Write, available at Amazon, or your local independent bookshop.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

ring of fire




After nineteen loops around the sun, my parenting journey has included a lot of firsts.  Especially in these last few weeks, and while a better mother might never admit that she has a favorite child, an honest mother would snort at such bullshit, and top off my Pinot Noir.  For firsts like these they don’t make scrapbook pages. 
My daughter turned twelve.  She’s my youngest, so I have met twelve before. Twelve is heart breakingly tender and sweet and funny. Twelve has a foot in childhood and a foot in adolescence. Twelve is ready for anything.  Twelve thinks mom can’t possibly know or won’t check.  With a questionable ensemble stuffed in her backpack, she attended her first middle school dance last week. 
Seventeen moved into his college bound brother’s basement lair as soon as it was abandoned.  Seventeen is a militant locavore, unless he finds perfectly good bananas in the dumpster behind Mill Valley Market.  Seventeen is occasionally a vegan, or a vegetarian, depending upon whether rennet free parmesan is available. Seventeen cycles all over the Bay Area, not wanting to contribute to the burning of fossil fuels, and guerilla camps all over Mount Tam, not wanting to be associated with the family unit. Seventeen is a talented artist and musician and is currently in  his awkward social-protester-eco-terrorist phase. Seventeen is such an adorable age.  He stayed out all night last week for the first time, eventually texting at 1:43 AM to say where he was sleeping. 
Nineteen is currently my least favorite. Nineteen leapt from the nest and was insulted that I had bought a desk lamp, sheets & towels for his dorm room. We don’t have a shared world view. Nineteen rode his bicycle 960 miles up to Olympia to start college, which made me crazy but proud when he successfully arrived.  When I heard Nineteen’s recorded voice saying his name after the King County Jail collect call prompt, my chest compressed like Scarlet O’Hara’s when Mammy cinches her corset.  I now know what it feels like when your heart stops.  Two weeks ago Nineteen spent his first night in jail.
In just a few weeks I’ve navigated middle school dress code, eleven o’clock curfew and posting bail.  Just in time for Mother’s Day.  I never got around to doing a birthday cake for twelve, so a nice thick layer of guilt to pair with the Pinot Noir. 
Twelve was at band practice, Seventeen on a ridge near Fairfax and Nineteen under a blanket of clouds in Olympia during the annular Solar Eclipse.  I sat on our deck and stared at the eclipsed sun through a double layer of  Twelve’s shoulder x-rays from years ago.  There’s a juicy metaphor in there somewhere, weighting the branch like a ripe plum.  If I weren’t so singed by my maternal ring of fire, I’d easily see it.

Mary Allison Tierney's essay The Gingerdreadman is included in the anthology Mamas Write, available at Amazon, or your local independent bookshop.