Showing posts with label aunts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aunts. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Suitable Programming

 July 1972

Three girls in a row, exposed bellies down on the cool wood floor, tanned legs bent, chins elbow propped in hands, absorbed in the destruction of a small town by a giant scorpion. The afternoon creature feature on the black and white TV that my aunt has rolled out on the brass colored metal trolley is our after lunch pre nap indulgence. We have already watched several episodes of Popeye and even though the reception is grainy with the occasional scroll up of the picture and the curved screen gives a fisheye perspective, the Texas summer heat keeps us glued to the spot in the air-conditioned family room.

The kitchen wall phone with it’s grimy ten foot intestinal cord is ringing; the loud bell can be heard all over the sprawling ranch house. This is an adult sound, so we all ignore the bell. Finally the older cousin nudged her sister to get the phone.  Groaning and stomping up the steps to the kitchen and a forced polite southern phone voice answer, then a yell Aunt Janel had the baby! I pushed back to a sit. I don’t remember knowing that my mother was pregnant, or anticipating becoming a sister, just that my mother was in New Mexico and I was in Texas, like most summers.

My mother taught first grade in El Paso and I was in the other first grade class.  I drove to work every morning with her in the red Corvair convertible with the white leather seats that were always cold.  She tied a triangular scarf on my head when we put the top down.
One morning when we were walking from the car my Scooby Doo thermos slipped from under my elbow onto the new asphalt, and when I picked it up it made a slushing sound. My mother told me that was the glass inside and took it from me angrily and said we’d have to throw it away.  I was allowed in the teachers lounge before school started and the air was thick with cigarette smoke. When we had fire drills and lined up on the blacktop against the fence, I was responsible for going through the pass through door that joined the two first grade class rooms and opening my mother’s classroom door for her class to come in.

At some point that spring I changed schools to one that was closer to our house, because my mother was let go.  She dressed in Villager pencil skirts and low flats, but her condition betrayed her and in 1971 a woman was not allowed teach elementary school if she were visibly pregnant.  I didn’t know any of this at the time of course, I just liked the new school because an ice cream truck stopped outside after school and the neighbor kids I now walked home with always had change for candy.

But this summer visit with my cousins was different, because we were moving from El Paso to Phoenix. I walked to the kitchen and took the receiver from my cousin and learned that I had a sister. 


August 1972

We set out very early with pillows slipped in floral cotton covers lining the back seat of the blue Ford station wagon. There was a cooler with pimento cheese sandwiches and cold bottles of Dr. Pepper. My aunt, her fifth and youngest child and I were driving from Texas to pick up my mother and newborn sister in New Mexico and then get settled in Arizona. I don’t know why my mother went to New Mexico, where my father’s mother lived, to have the baby. I don’t know why she didn’t stay in El Paso, where we lived, or come to her sister’s house where I was. There must have been a very practical reason. Roswell New Mexico isn’t where I’d want to go for medical care in 1972, or now.

My most vivid memory of arriving in Phoenix when I was 7 was of the palm trees.  Long rows of tall thin palm trees that stretched down the street creating a vanishing point. And there were mountains in the distance that sat like ships on the horizon. I don’t remember a baby, though we drove for hundreds of miles with her in the car. I remember the rental house with the dark green painted windows that cranked open and the dark green bushes that surrounded the house, oleanders, had pink flowers and the neighbor warned me that they were poisonous, even if the leaf brushed my hand, which still freaks me out.

I waited for the bus to my new school at the end of the street, which had a grassy median with orange trees that had trunks painted white. Then just weeks later we moved to an apartment with a fountain in a courtyard and an accordion sliding door that separated one bedroom from the living room. My bedroom window was narrow but floor to ceiling, and I lay on my carousel printed bedspread and looked out through the decorative cinderblock patio wall to the apartment across the courtyard and tried to see the people in side. I learned that a bottlebrush tree shaded this window; the red delicate spiky flowers did resemble the brushes my mother used to wash my sister’s bottles.  In the mornings after watching the Flintstones I ducked through a hole in the chain link fence in the back of the covered carport that backed up to playground of my next new school. My aunt and cousin had driven back to Texas and now my Granny was staying with us help with the transition. My father had been traveling a lot and no one had used the word divorce yet.

Summer 1974

We were moving around the corner, to a cheaper apartment, so we filled my mother’s orange Datsun 510 station wagon over and over, loading then unloading. One of my cousins had come, I assume flown, from Texas to help. She was just sixteen and my mother taught her to drive a stick shift so she could help with our move.  On one of our last nights in the nicer apartment, she took my friend and I swimming in the apartment pool. Some tenants upstairs complained that we were being too loud, although I can’t imagine what we were doing that could have been so disruptive.  We were nine.  My cousin pantomimed taking her top off and twirling it in the air, whooping “woo hoo!” then we ran shrieking back through the manicured hedges to the boxed up apartment.
The Monkees on Wallace & Ladmo!


The new apartment was smaller; the carpet was thin and rough. The laundry room had older machines and the door wouldn’t shut properly. We kept laundry quarters in a ceramic pinch pot I’d made at summer rec camp. The trash dumpster in the car port was the first thing you saw when you pulled up.  My mother had taken a new teaching position but the school was on the other side of town so she left for work earlier than I could leave for school. I had to manage that hour before third grade on my own.  This meant the Jetsons and Wallace & Ladmo. 


My sister now went to daycare and I had a house key on a hair yarn that I wore around my neck.  I didn’t know it then but I was part of a new demographic: The original latchkey kid.  When I got home from school in the afternoon the apartment was stuffy with Arizona heat but I kept the curtains drawn and the door locked, just like I was told.  I watched Bewitched, I Dream of Jeanie and the Beverly Hill Billies. If the phone rang I was not allowed to say that my parents weren’t home but, ‘they can’t come to the phone right now, can I take a message?’

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

H is for Helpers


Every child should have at least two mothers. The second mother can be a neighbor, aunt, gramma, friend, spouse or well trained labradoodle. Having an extra set of eyes or hands is crucial to parental sanity.  One thing you can't have enough of is help.
 
Even Lady Granthum agrees, "Parenting is hard enough, even when you like the child."


cousins in Seattle
pic by Auntie Kirsten
When there's an age gap between siblings or cousins, it's like home-bred childcare.  Older siblings and cousins can be vital second mothers, filling in on playground and carpool duty or handing you a clean diaper, depending on the age.  Even if they complain, they enjoy the responsibility.  

My eldest has stepped in to help my sister with her kids while simultaneously she is helping me with him.  My cousin's daughter has done the same. When I was little I often stayed with my aunt's family in Texas for the summer. I was mothered by her and my five older cousins. When my parents divorced one of those older cousins came to stay with us for a few weeks to help my mom with the move, and she learned to drive a stick shift out of necessity. And I learned what skinny dipping was.  Win-win.

cousins in Switzerland
pic by Auntie Kirsten

Lady Grantham:  "One forgets about parenthood. The on-and-on-ness of it."

Isobel Crawley:  "Were you a very involved mother?.....I'd imagined them surrounded by nannies and governesses, being starched and ironed to spend an hour with you after tea."

Lady Grantham:  "Yes, but it was an hour every day."


Mary Allison Tierney's essay The Gingerdreadman is included in the anthology Mamas Write, available at Amazon, or your local independent bookshop. 


Wednesday, April 2, 2014

B is for Baby

Baby baby oh baby. Baby soft. Baby doll. Sweet baby. Such a baby. Don't be a baby.

As a toddler I had a rag doll baby.  I don't remember what her name was and I wouldn't have remembered her at all if it weren't for the picture, which stirred the memory of bathing her in the powder blue toilet. By the looks of the doll in the picture I was up on the latest hairstyles of 1968 and updated her look to a Rosemary's Baby pixie.  The ragdoll is naked because - I vividly remember this - I put her lacy dress on the cat.



I moved on to Barbie soon after and never wanted babies until much later. I turned 30 with a newborn and a two year old. I was surrounded with all things baby, complete with dual carseats in a Volvo. Special catalogues kept coming for all baby related disaster prevention, from impossible to remove outlet covers, latches to prevent pinched fingers or lifting the toilet seat to special stroller coffee holders. I bought a plastic VHS insert to protect the thing from toddler hands or a sandwich, a foam visor to prevent dreaded water from touching their faces while shampooing, plus the giant padded tub surround and a dishwasher caddy to sterilize binkies and sippy cup lids. Insanity.

My third baby didn't take.  I miscarried at fourteen weeks.  My boys knew a baby was on the way and then wasn't. I was in maternity clothes, then I wasn't.  I had emotionally committed to a third, was less sad than determined to try again.  In just less than a year my boys had a sister.  Oh baby.

I was not prepared for the pink.  My world was Thomas the Tank, Batman and Robin, Ninja Turtles and Max Steele.  Everyone I knew was determined to outfit my daughter in satin, floral & ribboned pink.  It was cute at first, but I was blessed, thank you baby Jesus, with a girl who treats Disney princesses like kryptonite. The baby dolls people sent her were put in the closet at her request.  She thought they were creepy. She preferred hand me down beanie babies to baby dolls, and pushed Pooh and Piglet in the doll stroller someone gave her.  Her favorite clothes were her brother's outgrown jeans and a Pokemon shirt.

My sister took over the baby mama role and I got to be an auntie twice.  That's plenty of babies for one family; Gramma has five grandchildren, boys and girls from twenty-one to four. Siblings, cousins, all bases are covered. Thank god for free texting apps.

So now I'm anti baby, as in, 'don't make me a nana'. Not yet. Just give me a good fifteen years please. I put economy sized boxes of condoms in my sons college survival boxes. I suggested Planned Parenthood when a GF became part of our world.  My daughter starts high school in the fall, so the appropriate healthy conversations are on going.  She's been paying attention.  Oh baby.




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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Training Day



My first bra was a hand-me-down.  I have three older female cousins and I’ll never know with whom this one originated, but I do know that it didn’t fit.  My Auntie Jo told me that it was inappropriate for a girl my age to not wear a bra and since I was under her care deep in the heart of Texas for the summer of 1977,  my time had come.  My mother didn’t wear one, so what did I know?
The bra was white cotton, originally. Now grayish with lumpy cups from too many washings.  It felt like cardboard under my t-shirt and the straps pulled on my sunburn. And it itched.
Riding a bicycle barefoot on the country roads in Texas in the summer had been a liberating feeling.  But with this new-to-me recycled bra I felt constricted.  I couldn’t lift my arms without it riding up and then I had to stop the bike and tug it down.  I was always tugging and adjusting and now I was completely self-conscious.  Did it show through my shirt?  The easy freedom of summer had hit a lumpy cotton wall.
Once I was back home, my bra went missing the morning after a birthday sleepover.  The birthday girl was a pain in the ass and had taken it out of my overnight bag.  She told me she was going to hang it on the door of our classroom at school on Monday morning. Never underestimate the psychological torture of being a seventh grade girl. I got to school early to stake out the door.  She didn’t make good on the threat, but she never returned the bra.
I had done some research by this point and I had found that Danskin made a bra that I wanted. Sold in dance stores, this was the precursor to today’s jog-bra. No hooks. No lumpy cups or pinchy straps - I could move!  
With the exception of a brief tawdry fling with Victoria’s Secret in the 1980’s, (I was living in LA, and thus, defenseless.  I even got a membership to Trashy Lingerie with a friend who I will not name, but she knows who she is),  I stayed loyal to the same pullover style until the Mom years.  After breastfeeding three ravenous babies, I self promoted to underwire with strategic padding, and was professionally fitted by one of the blessed Nordstrom bra wizards.  These women are amazing.  They tricked me out with bras that actually fit and were pretty.  And expensive. 

2008