Showing posts with label teens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teens. Show all posts

Friday, January 16, 2015

Dog Towels

The Canada geese glide down and ski to a stop on the brown water below us as we walk over the wooden bridge towards the dog park. It is a misty grey morning and it has been raining, so the bridge is slick. The geese have joined ducks and the invitation propels the puppy to the side, pushing her black snout through the slats, all her birding instincts commanding her to crouch, bark and attempt to simultaneously remove my arm at the shoulder and knock me off my feet by yanking forward on the leash. 

I am pulled along, the puppy zigzagging from one side of the path to the other, sniffing grass, peeing on a fence, greeting another dog until I can unhook her and toss the kong. This early the dog park is nearly deserted and the rain has left small lakes clustered all through the throwing area. I am not a dog park person, as our old Aussie mix preferred sitting on the bench with the people and we can do that at home. After a few tosses, I give the kong a throw with a bit more muscle and the puppy plows through a puddle sending up a huge spray. This puppy is drawn to the water like a toddler and this could go on for hours I soon realize.  The game winds down when the puppy starts to drop the kong further and further from me so I clip on her leash and am dragged back over the bridge to the parking lot.

On cue the puppy sails up into the back of the Jeep, sleek and black as a seal pup, her tail threatening to pull her spine out of alignment she wags so furiously.  I remind her, again, to sit and push her back, distracting her by tossing the slimy pink kong in the corner as I close the tailgate. By the time I open the driver’s door she’s in the passenger seat, beyond excited to see me again.  I get out and put her in the back, this time looping her leash over the roll bar. This is my son’s puppy, in essence my beta grandchild, so it’s the best kind of puppy.

I had lined the back of the Jeep with junky blue towels – the dog towels - and used an extra one to rub her muddy haunches as she wiggled all over me.  This towel wrestle is a familiar one. Her muscular enthusiasm echoes that of her owner’s when I used the same towels to dry his 30-pound puppy body.

These faded cobalt blue towels were once the perfect match for the blue tile that lined the shower and bathtub in my kids bathroom, though they were rarely displayed on the towel rack.  They have toweled off three slippery baby bodies. Pulled hot from the dryer they have burritoed toddlers who did not want to get out of the bath that they did not want to take 20 minutes earlier.  I’ve used them to cover a pee soaked bed I was too exhausted to change at three in the morning. They have dried dripping curls of many lengths, and been left where they drop, on the floor of the teen post apocalyptic bedroom, after lacrosse practice showers.

There was the time, not too long ago, I found a blue towel staple gunned to the polished blonde maple dining table leaf, because my eldest said he was ‘making something’.  One was discovered in my middle son’s bass drum along with some couch pillows when the drum kit was being unloaded from my car after a gig.

I washed, dried and folded the vibrant cobalt hue and fluffy texture right out of these towels. After twenty years of service, they are no longer presentable, now frayed, with holes and inexplicable stains, they reside folded in the laundry room pantry next to the leash, dog and cat food and box of poop bags.

Once we are back home I let the puppy out of the back as she was eager to get reacquainted with our cats and I gather all the wet muddy towels out of the Jeep and bring them in the laundry room.

The puppy flops down at my feet while I start the towel load, and gnaws her kong with a squeaking of puppy teeth on wet rubber. The emergency towels, the junker towels, the dog towels. They are faithful and ever ready.

I don’t know who’s more exhausted.


Wednesday, April 9, 2014

H is for Helpers


Every child should have at least two mothers. The second mother can be a neighbor, aunt, gramma, friend, spouse or well trained labradoodle. Having an extra set of eyes or hands is crucial to parental sanity.  One thing you can't have enough of is help.
 
Even Lady Granthum agrees, "Parenting is hard enough, even when you like the child."


cousins in Seattle
pic by Auntie Kirsten
When there's an age gap between siblings or cousins, it's like home-bred childcare.  Older siblings and cousins can be vital second mothers, filling in on playground and carpool duty or handing you a clean diaper, depending on the age.  Even if they complain, they enjoy the responsibility.  

My eldest has stepped in to help my sister with her kids while simultaneously she is helping me with him.  My cousin's daughter has done the same. When I was little I often stayed with my aunt's family in Texas for the summer. I was mothered by her and my five older cousins. When my parents divorced one of those older cousins came to stay with us for a few weeks to help my mom with the move, and she learned to drive a stick shift out of necessity. And I learned what skinny dipping was.  Win-win.

cousins in Switzerland
pic by Auntie Kirsten

Lady Grantham:  "One forgets about parenthood. The on-and-on-ness of it."

Isobel Crawley:  "Were you a very involved mother?.....I'd imagined them surrounded by nannies and governesses, being starched and ironed to spend an hour with you after tea."

Lady Grantham:  "Yes, but it was an hour every day."


Mary Allison Tierney's essay The Gingerdreadman is included in the anthology Mamas Write, available at Amazon, or your local independent bookshop. 


Friday, April 5, 2013

E is for Expectations



drummer girl
Following the rules

The rules are set for a reason.  Mom expects you to be respectful, in word and deed, of yourself and others.  Mom expects you to be safe, and everyone around you has the right to feel safe. Mom expects you to be responsible, for yourself, your things and your actions.


Own it.


Vuotan @ DNA Lounge


Bending the rules

Rules are meant to be broken.  Well, sometimes.  Mom expects you to take risks.  Mom expects you to challenge yourself. Mom expects you to blaze a new trail, to dare to be different, not to follow the crowd.  Mom expects you to create your own rhythm.

I’m not raising house plants.



photo: his brother


Making considered choices

Notice the sunrise, the full moon, new leaves, the fog. Mom expects you to be in awe of your world.  Mom expects you to contribute in a meaningful way. Mom expects you to persevere.


Clean up after yourself. Leave No Trace applies to the kitchen as well as the tundra. 


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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

ring of fire




After nineteen loops around the sun, my parenting journey has included a lot of firsts.  Especially in these last few weeks, and while a better mother might never admit that she has a favorite child, an honest mother would snort at such bullshit, and top off my Pinot Noir.  For firsts like these they don’t make scrapbook pages. 
My daughter turned twelve.  She’s my youngest, so I have met twelve before. Twelve is heart breakingly tender and sweet and funny. Twelve has a foot in childhood and a foot in adolescence. Twelve is ready for anything.  Twelve thinks mom can’t possibly know or won’t check.  With a questionable ensemble stuffed in her backpack, she attended her first middle school dance last week. 
Seventeen moved into his college bound brother’s basement lair as soon as it was abandoned.  Seventeen is a militant locavore, unless he finds perfectly good bananas in the dumpster behind Mill Valley Market.  Seventeen is occasionally a vegan, or a vegetarian, depending upon whether rennet free parmesan is available. Seventeen cycles all over the Bay Area, not wanting to contribute to the burning of fossil fuels, and guerilla camps all over Mount Tam, not wanting to be associated with the family unit. Seventeen is a talented artist and musician and is currently in  his awkward social-protester-eco-terrorist phase. Seventeen is such an adorable age.  He stayed out all night last week for the first time, eventually texting at 1:43 AM to say where he was sleeping. 
Nineteen is currently my least favorite. Nineteen leapt from the nest and was insulted that I had bought a desk lamp, sheets & towels for his dorm room. We don’t have a shared world view. Nineteen rode his bicycle 960 miles up to Olympia to start college, which made me crazy but proud when he successfully arrived.  When I heard Nineteen’s recorded voice saying his name after the King County Jail collect call prompt, my chest compressed like Scarlet O’Hara’s when Mammy cinches her corset.  I now know what it feels like when your heart stops.  Two weeks ago Nineteen spent his first night in jail.
In just a few weeks I’ve navigated middle school dress code, eleven o’clock curfew and posting bail.  Just in time for Mother’s Day.  I never got around to doing a birthday cake for twelve, so a nice thick layer of guilt to pair with the Pinot Noir. 
Twelve was at band practice, Seventeen on a ridge near Fairfax and Nineteen under a blanket of clouds in Olympia during the annular Solar Eclipse.  I sat on our deck and stared at the eclipsed sun through a double layer of  Twelve’s shoulder x-rays from years ago.  There’s a juicy metaphor in there somewhere, weighting the branch like a ripe plum.  If I weren’t so singed by my maternal ring of fire, I’d easily see it.

Mary Allison Tierney's essay The Gingerdreadman is included in the anthology Mamas Write, available at Amazon, or your local independent bookshop.